My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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