What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
