My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
