just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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