don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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