Betty ford says i'm here all night
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
