I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
