We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
