I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
