He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
