dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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