its not stalking. its research.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
