i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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