I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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