Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
