Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
