Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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