He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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