Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
