Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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