Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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