I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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