i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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