It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
