While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
