His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
it's like heaven, but drunker
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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