she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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