you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
do herpes really smell.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
