So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We're not piercing ourselves today.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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