awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
