I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
