I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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