I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
