You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
