i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
