nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
