Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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