I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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