I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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