They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
