if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
