i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
