Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
