fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
