areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
