Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
