Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
