I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
