I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
