I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
