I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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