I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
