Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
