You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
