Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
