I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
