My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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