Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
