I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
