I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
