No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
