Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
