I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She is in my trunk
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
