At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize