Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
