Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
